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Driftwood: Now, here are the contracts.

You put his name at the top and uh… you sign at the bottom.

There’s no need of you reading that because these are duplicates.

Fiorello: Yeah, these are duplicates.

[Fiorello looking at the contract] Duplicates, huh?

Driftwood: I say they are duplicates!
Fiorello: Sure. These are duplicates.
Driftwood: Don’t you know what duplicates are?
Fiorello: Sure. There’s five kids up in Canada.
Driftwood: Well, I wouldn’t know about that. I haven’t been in Canada in years.

[Driftwood and Fiorello looking at the contract]

Driftwood: Well, go on and read it.
Fiorello: What does it say?
Driftwood: Well, go on and read it!
Fiorello: Uh… You read.
Driftwood: Alright, I’ll read it to you. Can you hear?
Fiorello: I haven’t heard anything yet. Do you say anything?
Driftwood: Well, I haven’t said anything worth hearing.
Fiorello: That’s why I didn’t hear anything.
Driftwood: That’s why I didn’t say anything.

[Fiorello and Driftwood moving the contract around because they would be able to read]

Fiorello: Can you read?
Driftwood: I can read it. But, I can’t see it! It doesn’t seem to have it in focus here. If my arms are a little longer, I can read it. You haven’t got a baboon pocket, have you? Ah! There we are. There you have it.

Driftwood: Now pay particular attention to this first clause because it’s most important. It says the, uh… «The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part.» How do you like that? That’s pretty neat, eh?
Fiorello: No, that’s no good.
Driftwood: What’s the matter with it?
Fiorello: I dunno. Let’s hear it again.
Driftwood: It says the, uh… «The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part.»
Fiorello: That sounds a little better this time.
Driftwood: Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?
Fiorello: Er… just the first part.
Driftwood: What do you mean? The… the party of the first part?
Fiorello: No, the first part of the party of the first part.
Driftwood: All right. It says the, uh, «The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract…» Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We’ll take it right out, eh? Now, it says, uh, «The party of the second part shall be known in this contract as the party of the second part.»
Fiorello: Well, I don’t know about that…
Driftwood: Now what’s the matter?
Fiorello: I no like-a the second party, either.
Driftwood: Well, you shoulda come to the first party. We didn’t get home ‘til around four in the morning. I was blind for three days!

Fiorello: Hey, wait, wait. What does this say here, this thing here?
Driftwood: Oh, that? Oh, that’s the usual clause that’s in every contract. That just says, uh, it says, uh, if any of the parties participating in this contract are shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified.
Fiorello: Well, I don’t know…
Driftwood: It’s all right. That’s, that’s in every contract. That’s, that’s what they call a sanity clause.
Fiorello: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You can’t fool me. There ain’t no Sanity Clause!

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